NIQAB : I am my own worst enemy.
Assalamualaikum...
It has been almost two years I have worn the
niqab. Remembering back when I was considering to wear it makes me smile… and
relieved, that it is over. The decision to wear it has been made. I AM a
niqabis.
From January 2010, I have been questioning and
asking opinions from my aunts, my cousins, ( they’re all niqabis) and some many
more who do not wear it, about wearing a niqab. I read books. Read blogs and
articles. Looked into so many places and resources, yet I did not find any
satisfactory answer. I did istikharah, asked Allah, afraid and scared
that my intentions were wrong. That I was gong to wear it for the wrong
reasons…
The truth was, I already have gotten all the
answer that I need. Allah has given me the ‘thought’ about wanting to wear the
niqab. That was all I needed in the first place. All the questions was unnecessary.
Maybe useful but supposedly just to strengthen my will to start wearing it. The readings
was a bonus. But what was stopping ..or delaying me at that time was just
MYSELF… and all the jeans and shirts and..oh… *sigh*smile… Again, am I glad
that all that is over!
When I first wore niqab, some family members congratulated
me, some were concerned, as I am a government servant, I was fine with all the
comments and compliments, but I did not see one particular ‘concern’ coming… it
actually made me cry.
‘HOW
ARE HER CHILDREN GOING TO FACE PEOPLE?
MAKE
FRIENDS? THEIR FUTURE?’.
Astaghfirullah..
Allah gave me my beautiful intelligent independent
boys, do they really think that by me wearing a niqab, I’m putting my sons
future in jeopardy? ALLAH GAVE THEM TO ME! And may Allah be pleased with me
that I am trying to please Him with this niqab. HE determines my future, my
sons future, my sons friends, my sons life and death! ( oh no… here I go
getting upset again J
)
No, I’m not ganna let that happen again. Allah
is enough for me, my other half is pleased with me, my parents and in laws are
pleased with me, and my sons thinks I’m beautiful in this niqab J is enough for me.
( My Ahamad actually suggested that I only wear purple niqab.. huhu..)
I’m not sorry to say to them that we live in a
different crowd. And I am not worry about surviving in ‘my kinda crowd’.
حَسْبِيَ اللهُ وَنِعْمَ الْوَكِيلُ
